Maintenance and Growth

In December of last year, the mother of one of my closest friends passed away almost suddenly. It was sudden to me because last I heard, her health was getting better. I was unable to make it to my hometown for the funeral and I felt terrible about that. Still do. The factors that played into my not being there were fairly typical—I didn’t have money for a short-notice plane ticket and my car was giving me trouble. The older I become, the more important it is for me to ‘be there’ as much as possible for the people I love and care about. It was this unfortunate event that prompted me to think of some things differently.

I recognize that I am blessed to not really have a need for anything. So in my quiet time I would pray a pseudo humble prayer  trying to convince God that I was satisfied with the ‘things that I do have.’ But, I wasn’t. I was grateful, but not satisfied. There’s a difference.

I wanted a new car so that I could ‘be there,’ wherever that was—for emergencies, celebrations, and everything in between—to the best of my ability. I hardly have any family and/or friends in Atlanta where I currently reside and for a while, when I was trying to be grown that was fine. Now that I am grown, I know all too well that life is short. Therefore, I should capitalize on every opportunity to spend time with those most important to me.

My thoughts changed. No longer beating around the bush in my mind, I accepted the fact that I both needed and wanted a better car. I couldn’t afford it, though. As my thoughts changed, the words of my prayers changed. I asked for the provision of extra income and/or the shifting around of things in my budget so that I could afford to pay a note.  More specifically I prayed, “Lord, please tailor-make a financing deal just for me.” And guess what? He did.

Would you like to know what happened shortly thereafter? I’ll tell you anyway. Another close friend of mine had a death in her family. I thank God I was able to be there, in my new car.

This is not about the car, though. The car situation is the catalyst that propelled my mind into a deeper realm of thought. I believe that the change in my thinking—the fact that I was no longer satisfied with just making do with what I had—is what propelled the change in my situation. All of a sudden I noticed things going on in my life right now; things that are being maintained but not growing—the main ‘thing’ being Me! I beat around the bush when it comes to the things I really feel and want and it is that line of thought that has me maintaining instead of growing in many areas of my life.

I heard someone say recently, “The heart’s primary value sets a life’s course.” What does your heart value? Right now, mine is set on growth.

Stop Your Whining

I’ve read several rants from men (and some women who think more like men than they care to admit) in response to Steve Harvey’s book and movie, “...Think Like a Man” The level of pisstivity I felt while reading most of these rants is almost equal to the level I was on when I took 15 minutes to skim Mr. Harvey’s book in Barnes & Noble.

The book, while I believe could be helpful to some, didn’t have any new, earth shattering information in it for me to take to go forth and conquer. There was a joke or two but mostly it was common sense and stuff my daddy told me about as a teenager. I understand that sense is not that common and that not every woman has an unbiased male figure in her life to school her on men, so get it how you live.  Reading is fundamental, right? It just wasn't the read for me. The movie, however, was quite entertaining. I think largely because instead of Steve delivering the jokes, we got Kevin Hart. Kevin’s jokes are way funnier than Steve’s. My frustration with those who criticize the book’s author is this: You must think I’m stupid.

I know that Steve Harvey is a comedian. I know he’s on his third marriage and is rumored to be an adulterer and a liar. None of these things have anything to do with the fact that he is a man. And, as a man, he has a perspective on life and relationships. He happens to be a man who has the means and resources to get his perspective out into the mainstream. But, your problem is not with Steve.

I read a quote somewhere that said something like, “Don’t be so leery of your single friends’ marriage advice. They may not know marriage, but they do know you.” It doesn’t matter what his personal life is like. I think his biggest critics hate the fact that Steve is reiterating the fact that women need to have standards. Call it a game. Call it a 90-day rule. Call it asking too many questions. Call it whatever. The bottom line is that nobody gets what they want out of this life without setting boundaries for themselves and standards for the way others treat them. The bottom, bottom line: men don’t like boundaries. And, the bottom, bottom, bottom line: men won’t step up their game without being required to do so.

And man who criticizes another man who encourages women to have standards has no respect for or intention to do right by any woman, other than his mama, any time soon. There’s nothing wrong with this; you may not be looking for a purposeful, intentional relationship. Cool. Play on player. But don’t knock the hustle of the woman who is weeding out your kind (or the man who tips her off to your scent) in order to get what she really wants. Respect her mind.

So, she wants you to call her and not text so much. The nerve of her to ask your intentions upfront. Now she wants to go out on dates as opposed to kicking it at the house? And, she must be crazy to think that you’ll stick around until she’s ready to move to the next level physically. You must think we’re stupid because we know good and well that you would do all these things for the woman you wanted to be with. Point. Blank. Period. Men don’t move until they are good and ready. We know this. You’re just mad because we peeped game (or read Steve’s book) and decided not to waste time pussy-footing around with you... anymore.

Another thing that women know is that men cannot handle when the tables are turned on them. They go crazy when women give them a dose of their own medicine: not answering texts, being short if/when you do call. Not calling. You can't handle it. And, that’s why many are whining like babies right now in response to the book... Not even the book, the title alone, “...Think Like a Man.”  Because I can guarantee that most complaining, have not read anything beyond that.

But don't worry. This will soon blow over. I will admit to the inconsistency of [wo]mankind... The weeding process gets tiring and lonely after a while. We eventually settle for playdates so you're bound to catch one of us slipping... until the next book or movie comes out to remind us of things we already know. It's cyclical. Dry your eyes.