5 Statements to Read Further Into

The original title of this post was going to be “5 Lies Men Tell” but something happened as my thoughts trickled down into my fingertips and spilled over onto my Word document where I could see them. I realized that these five statements are not always lies and men aren’t the only ones who use them. I must admit, have used a couple of these statements but only after hearing them from men I dated. In the words of Whitney Houston, “I learned from the best. I learned from you.” Here we go.

I’m not seeing anyone. Translation: I’m not seeing anyone that I care to tell you about. (My only issue about this particular statement is tht it may be true to the letter at the time but can change at any point in the game without notice.) Read between the lines: Technically I’m not in a relationship. Even if I don't see myself being in a relationship with you, I will go through the motions as long as it takes you to let your guard down. I don’t like to waste time so I’ll act all enamored with you right away and tell you…

I’ve never done anything like this before. Translation: The newness and potentiality of this thing is arousing. Read between the lines: I want you to think you’re special when actually, this is the same script I use with every girl I am remotely interested in. It seems to work best when used with…

It feels like I’ve known you longer than I have. Translation: Let’s get this sex thing out of the way. Read between the lines: It appears that I’m ‘all in’ but I’m just doing and saying whatever I need to do and say to make you comfortable enough to have sex with me sooner rather than later. If I'm not interested in being in a committed relationship with you, I will become distant. It will happen gradually but when you ask what the deal is, I will simply say…

I have a lot going on right now. Translation: I have a lot going on right now--work, school, other women, baby’s mama(s), etc. and you are just simply not as high on my priority list as I make you think you are sometimes. Read between the lines: We are not together. I am not obligated to explain anything to you. So, instead of calling like I used to, I revert to texting because all of a sudden…

I’m not really a phone person. Translation: I refuse to take on the responsibility of having to be mindful about your emotions so in order to avoid having to explain this to you, and risk being denied certain privileges, I go with the punk move I chose to communicate with you in colder, less emotional ways like as texting, tweeting and the occasional email. In other words, I keep in touch just enough to say I’ve been keeping in touch. Read between the lines: Phone conversations are reserved for girlfriends, close friends, family, and the cultivation of new booty. I have you where I want you. I have gotten to know you as much as I care to. I’m leaving the door open just in case you are horny and desperate the opportunity presents it’self.

I'm not saying that one should head for the hills as soon as they hear these statments. But, having been (technically) single and actively dating for a little over two years now and having had over these two years what I like to call semi-permanent, long-term “situations”, I have learned that these statements answer any questions one might have when they get to a point in dating someone where they are contemplating the next step but they are not quite sure what the other person is thinking. Of course the best way to get any questions answered is to ask but if you are looking for a long-term official, monogamous, understood by both parties type of relationship, and you hear any of these statements, don’t say I never told you.

How have you learned to interpret these statements? Do you have any to add?